my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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