his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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