so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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