you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
