When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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