saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Jerry, you need to find god
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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