sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
