Where did you get a picture of my penis
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
