please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize