I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
