worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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