He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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