and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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