I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
