Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
