Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
