Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
