Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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