At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize