its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
