Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
