# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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