i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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