I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
