She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize