mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if only i could text you this smell
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
