you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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