I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize