I hate all girls vehemently.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
