I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
