He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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