Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
