Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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