I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize