I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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