just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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