I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
