You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
