shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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