are you so shy because you have an std?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
