just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
