A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think I sprained my soul last night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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