she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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