You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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