**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
