I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's rum buckets o'clock
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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