I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
