she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
third nipple confirmed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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