Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
