They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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