It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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