I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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