I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
