I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
