all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
