can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
