Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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