I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
