if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
