I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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