Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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