I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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