i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
