i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
