just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
