You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
