How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
