He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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