absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
