He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dear god my vagina.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
