I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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