You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
